Never Enough
by RaeyvnRain
Summary: He never had the words, but right now in this one moment, he has to tell her just why. Crellie


_**Never Enough**_

_He never had the words, but right now, in this one moment... he has to tell her just why._

_Crellie_

_Notes: Yeah, I'm not sure really where this came from. It sorta started as a jumbled up bunch of thoughts that sort of begged to be written. Mostly canon, though some from some future au-ish type Degrassi world. Hope ya enjoy. Oh, sorry if the every other paragraph thing is confusing, it's just sorta how it came through._

_Disclaimer: It's not mine, but I think that's sort of obvious._

_**Never Enough**_

She thinks sometimes, that she's jealous. Not over his actions, or even the fact that it's never her he chooses. She's jealous for the most inane reasons. The most embarassingly girly and cliched reasons. He never wrote any songs for her. He's written lyrics for Ashley and Manny's provided inspiration for her own share when they were together, he's even penned a vew verses for other friends, his sister, Joey, and probably others that she's never even met, but none of those lyrics were for her, and she feels like such a loser for being hurt by it.

He knows she feels this way, and he can see it in her eyes every time she hears his latest song, or reads on the cover of the last album that so and so was his inspiration. He dedicates every single one to _The girl that's my whole world_ but everyone assumes he's either talking about Ashley or Manny. He's not. He knows exactly who he dedicates his works to. Even if she never does. And it hurts him to see the look in her eye, the look that says he's broken another piece of her heart, but he can't seem to ever make it better, and each and every song he sings, every line he writes, shatters her a little more. And he wants to take it all back, tell her everything he's never been able to express in song, but somehow he thinks that will hurt her too, so he doesn't, and he goes on shattering her heart piece by piece.

Ellie knows deep down that she's always going to love him, even when he chooses them over and over again, when she's right there waiting. She knows he's going to keep chipping away at her heart until theres nothing left, and she knows it's going to keep hurting but she can't do a damn thing to stop it. He's so deep in her heart she'll never be able to pull him out, and she doesn't think she'd want to anyway. Even if he never loved her back, it would all be worth it, just to see him smile that certain way.

Craig doesn't know how to tell her all the words he's never spoken. Doesn't know how to tell her that if he thought for one second they stood a chance, he'd choose her over and over, but he doesn't want to ruin them, ruin this special thing between them and so he chooses other girls, and he even chose drugs, but he will never choose her, because she's way too damn good for him, and he knows it.

Ellie cries over him. She doesn't cry over many people and she'd be damned if she let him know just how badly it hurts her to see him be happy with everyone but her. So one day, she chooses to move on. Not away, because he'll always be a part of her, but she meets a guy, the editor of her college paper. They date, on and off and off and on throughout her years at University. Three years after she graduates, he proposes to her, and Ellie can't help but picture Craig, and wonder what he'd say, before shaking her head and telling herself it's long past time to get over him. But she knows it doesn't matter, because like she figured out a long time ago, Craig's always going to be in her heart.

He received the news through his current again girlfriend, Ashley. Ellie's getting married. And he wants to laugh at the irony of it. Never in his dreams would he have pictured her with someone like Jesse. He didn't like the guy the first time he met him, and he wasn't ever going to like him. Ellie was way too good for the guy. He flies to Toronto three days before the ceremony, and he's just broken up with Ashley who smiled through her tears and asked him if he was going to go for what he really wanted finally. And he's dumbfounded that Ashley knew and never said a word. She wished him luck before he boarded and he thinks he might just appreciate her even more now than ever before.

For the first time since he'd first met Ellie Nash, he's nervous and scared and his heart races as he prepares himself to face her. It's not until the night before she's due to walk down the aisle that he finally confronts her.

She's not prepared for it when her doorbell rings, and when she pulls the door open to find him, her heart leaps, and she calls herself a fool. She's getting married tomorrow, it really is time to let go. "Craig." she says in a throaty whisper, because she _still_ can't control her reaction to him, even after a decade.

He's standing there, all cool 'rockstar', with his ancient leather jacket and his faded-just-right jeans and those same damn black and white converse sneakers that she's pictured him in a million times before. "Ellie." he says back, and even the sound of his voice is enough to make her light headed and giddy with anticipation.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, and her eyes flicker to the folded stack of papers clenched tightly in his fist.

"I heard you're getting married." he says and she bites her lip gently as one hand automatically searches for the rubber band on her wrist.

"Yeah. Tomorrow as a matter of fact."

"So I heard." he sighs then. "Can I come in?"

She jerks hard, feeling like a fool. "Of course. Sorry." she moves aside and he sweeps in with confidence that makes her nervous. Why is he here?

He's suddenly nervous and that makes her nervous. He paces and rambles and she only catches half the words spilling from his lips. "So sorry... never meant... loved you... still...don't marry him."

The words catch in his throat, but he's laid it all on the line here, and if she doesn't reciprocate, well... then he's pretty much lost the best friend he ever had, and the only girl in the entire world that has ever really gotten him. The only girl that matters.

Ellie's stunned, her mind finally catches up on what he's said. He loved her, still does? Since when? When he was dating Ashley, fucking Manny? When he was on the road, when he wrote countless songs dedicated to _everyone but her_? She doesn't realize these questions are spoken aloud, not until he smiles that lopsided smile and says. "Don't you know? There's never been any words... not enough in the world, to express everything you are to me."

The air wooshes out of her lungs with shock. "What?"

He steps closer, needing to touch her, needing to know it's all real. His hand cups her cheek, his thumb absently rubbing over her lower lip. She closes her eyes and sighs. "I love you Ellie. I think sometimes that I always have." And he kisses her then, and she completely shuts down. Because this kiss, this one kiss she's been waiting nearly a decade for is even better than she imagined. Her knees go weak, her head spins and she looses all capability of thinking.

When he pulls back, they're both breathing unevenly and smiling goofy, surprised smiles that speak volumes of the feelings between them. "Here, read this. I'll be waiting." the words are cryptic as he passes the stack of pages into her hand, and kisses her softly once more, before departing.

She stares at the closed door for a long time, before sinking to the floor where he left her, and unfolding the pages carefully.

_Ellie, you're everything. Don't you know that? You're my whole world, you always have been. I love you._

She moves on to the next page, surprised to find song lyrics scribbled down, scratched out, re-worded, rewritten, and crumbled up. Page after page after page of the same, until tears blur her vision and her heart feels like it just might soar right out of her chest. She comes to the last page.

_I tried, so many times and so many ways to sit down and express it all. I wanted to write you a song, hell, I wanted to write you a million verses, El. But the words... they aren't there. I've never been able to say it, or to write it, what exactly you mean to me. How do you tell someone they're your everything? That living isn't worth it without them in your life? I wanted so many times to kiss you, to hold you, to say that I love you. I was scared of screwing us both up. I'm a fuck up, Ellie, but you never gave up on me, never quit looking at me like I mattered, like I was worth it all, and I was scared to death that someday you'd look at me and realize just how much time you wasted on me. I'm sorry. I can't take it all back, any of it, but I need you to know, before you marry him. I love you Ellie. I love you with everything inside me._

_If you can't forgive me, if you really do love him, I'll understand... but if there's a chance, even the tiniest, that you feel the same way, that you think it's worth it, I'll be at the airport until 2 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. If you want to try, I've got a ticket with your name on it. _

_No matter what happens tomorrow, I love you. Please remember that._

Tears burn her sight, as she rereads the letter. It makes sense. He's dedicated every album to her, even thought the songs weren't written for her. But she's got a hanful of discarded lyrics that were just hers, and somehow, she knows now that there's a reason he never wrote a song for her, and she understands. Words were never enough. Never enough.

The church is silent as it awaits the brides arrival. Ashley Kerwin smiles secretively as she sits in the third row, with Marco to her left. "Where is she?" Marco whispers in her ear.

"Probably following her heart." Ashley whispers back, and Marco's eyes widen.

"Where is he?" Marco demands.

"Flew in three days ago, Marco. He loves her."

"She loves him too."

Neither has to say Craig to know thats exactly who they're talking about. They've been Ellie's best friends for years, and both know she never got over Craig Manning. "Poor Jesse." Marco says sadly. There's no question in either of their minds, they both know the bride isn't going to show. They're proven right as the bridal march plays for the third time, prompting the bride insistently.

It's Paige that breaks the news, as she enters to the crowds dismay, with a small envelope in her hands. She rushes to the front, and Ashley shares a look with Marco. They know what it's going to say. Jesse frowns, then scowls then crumples the page in anger. He gestures to cut the music, and looks to the crowd. "Thanks for coming everyone, but sorry to waste your time. There's not going to be any wedding today." and with those words the groom stumbles angrily out of the church.

Thousands of miles above Toronto, Ellie Nash grabs Craig Mannings hand, and they both kneo they're finally where they were always meant to be.

Together.

_Well, there it is. Hope it's not too... blah. As always Raeyvn_


End file.
